There is a lot of men hate on the blogs. Men are all pigs. Men are all bastards, and the only good men are the quiet ones. Gaap
Anyhoo, Not all men are the same. Its like since its not OK to classify people according to race we thought sex is OK. And men have to just suck it up because damnit we are men. Let me just say, being a jackass is not restricted to race, nationality, sex, religious persuasion, gender or ethnicity. People are different. Men and women. There versions. People, like cars are different. Sometimes they’ll get re-called because said vehicle is a danger to you. Sticky peddle.
There are different types of women out there in the world. No this is not a throwback to a time when women were barefoot and quiet in the kitchen. Its the honest truth. There is no one size fits all when it comes to women and if you don’t believe me, just wait till she finds underwear she swears doesn’t belong to her.
The complete nutjob
The complete nutjob aka psycho aka she-devil aka Satan’s sister is often mistaken for a normal person. They are sweet and worm their way into the tiny crevices of social relationships. Signs to look out for though are conversations that end in violence or violent thoughts. So something along the lines of “if he ever cheated on me I would cut his balls out and nail it to my door.” Not exactly spur of the moment violence, its the kind of comment that shows thought has gone into it, which means she probably has a book with little violent plans which will probably have your face on the side of a milk carton.
The ultimate girl next door.
This is the kind of girl that when you see her you hear The Verve’s Lucky man playing in your head. She has everything, looks, the classic look not the pseudo hooker look, no one has a bad thing to say about her. Its what we men call “marriage material.” The danger of this type of girl is that most guys become the brother figure because a) they don’t use their usual whorish lines which gets them smacked, b) They actually listen to what she says instead of thinking what the timesframes will be to removing her bra. She’s the girl next door, a guilt inducing title gets more friends than lovers.
The Daddy’s little girl
Fuck Daddy. Daddy is a douchebag. That is sort of what most guys are thinking every time the girl who is otherwise perfect goes on about how great daddy is. Daddy makes Superman look like a prison bitch. Daddy drives the fastest, Daddy has the most money, Daddy makes the best decisions. When things become homocidal is when she says things like, “my dad thinks you should…” This sentence is usually met with door closing response and rapid footsteps down the road.
The previous lover woman
We’ve all been there. You are the first guy on the scene after a break up. Unless its a rebound break up the appropriate time to wait is 6 months to 1 year. Why? Because you will always be the substitute. The previous guy, regardless of what a doucheknuckle he is, will always and I mean always do things better. Left unchecked, this could leade small dick syndrome. That is the official medical term. Basically the package looks smaller everyday you are in the relationship. There are three options on how to deal with this, a) find said guy, pound him in a dark alley and make it look like a gang of cunning turtles and an old rat did it, b) ignore her and just work extra hard. This is the time it is useful to apply the principle, ’tis better to give than receive. If you catch my meaning. c) walk away.
The ESB – Extreme Social Butterfly
All women are social beings. Unless you live in some backwater country where its OK to keep women locked in dark rooms, woman will go out with friends and go to parties. Most husbands seem to think that once a woman gets married she gives up all rights to the world outside the kitchen. But you do get the extreme social butterfly. You know the type who thinks its a crime to be caught at home on the weekend. Who has to be out and seen out. Whether its a wedding, a party or some random braai with Chad the guy no one really knows, she’ll be there. Signs to look out for are low attention span, a tendency to complain about having to go somewhere but never ever says no. in these cases its OK throw buckets of holy water at them but it won’t do anything.
The Jealous brow beater
Ever been in a movie, some woman on screen is standing in her bra and she looks like a Hooters waitress? Then you get home and you get cold shoulder?
“I saw you looking at her?”
“Who?”
“The woman on the screen.”
“I was watching a movie.”
“But you didn’t have to look like that.”
“Look like what?”
She makes face of dog waiting for food.
“I didn’t do that.”
“Yes you did. I asked for popcorn and you didn’t even look at me when you gave it to me.”
This is based on a true story and one day will be turned into a silly made for TV movie starring Abishek Bachan. He dies in the end. Everyone gets jealous. Sometimes its reasonable. Sometimes its just insane. Have the talk. If that doesn’t work, leave her outside when the sun comes up.
The Sports Nut
Most guys who enjoy sport will probably tell you this is a rare find. Because she doesnt support a team because it has Ronaldo. She knows the difference between a soccer and football, she knows why they have two innings in a cricket match and she thinks Lewis Hamilton is a douche. Apparently they are out there.
The cool chick
I only wear prada, I only buy milk from woolworths, I only… If only you would die. Before you introduce yourself she’s worked out how much the clothes you’re wearing cost you. Excellent manipulator. She usually has more make up on her face than a Red Square store. She speaks in brands. Which is like speaking in tongues except speaking in brands is as a result of selling your soul to Satan. She has an opinion about anything and everything and usually shows her approval of everything by giving a very loud woohoo. Also known as Woohoo girls, sometimes confused as ESB’s.
The Intellectual
The Jedi of the female species because there are so few of them and as a guy you need a game plan that is solid. These women are not impressed by small trinkets, they could probably afford their own shiney objects. So pitching up in Daddy’s BMW is going to get a yawn and I’m very tired, I call you when I’m free response. Stupid boys need not apply.
The Magazine/movie/TV show applies to me tart
“Bella is so me. I see myself in her.” she says twisting a lock of hair around her finger. Hey here’s an umbrella, its lightning outside. During the prison break years, you would often hear them comparing real life men with the fictional Michael Schofield. And put your hands up guys if you have ever heard the if only more men could be like [insert fictional character] Has a tendency to say things like: Tyra was right about you. I saw this happening on Oprah and Gail says we should…
This particular prized gem has an inability to distinguish between reality and fantasy. She watches or reads something and looks for where you are not matching up. You could try explaining that this is not a TV show in which case she would probably start quoting Dr. Phil. Run. Run like the wind.
Feel free to add your types. Watch out for the ten things about men that I am ashamed of. Because I am an equal opportunity arsehole. 
Hamish
) and because it shows that I am moving towards clearer thinking.
